where to find the good men
“He drinks too much. He does not take time to groom himself.
He does not care to dress up
well for our dates. He is too
short. He is too light skinned; I
need some “Africanness” in my man. He laughs too loudly; he
watches too much soccer and
does not bother to apologize
for doing that. He cannot buy
flowers for Valentines and if he
does, he will hide them in a juala as if they are sukumawiki. He
cannot even stand simple PDA.
Public Display of Affection. If I set
up a candle lit dinner, he claims
the power rationing days gave
us enough of those. I love him, but…” This is mundane talk. Every Kenyan lady has a story
about something amiss with her
(in)significant other. Ladies, I do
not have the solution to your
problems, but I do have a
theory about where the good men went to, and where to find
them. My last article was on
homophobia and I professed to
be a slight sufferer of the
controversial issue. This one
might just go against the grain
and no, I am not professing homophilia this time. I still stand
my ground on that one. Where
are all the good men? You have
heard that question, right?
Ladies are going bonkers over
the decline in the number of the boxer-wearers. And maybe
rightfully so, there are no more
good men left on the continent,
so they claim. It might seem an
impossibility to have no more
fine men left, but it also might just have some truth hidden it,
albeit so subtly. Ladies, I support
you on this claim, for once. Or
do I? Anyway, don’ t ask me why I was so late in watching a 1997
Steven Spielberg movie, but I
heard about Amistad last month,
and so I watched it. A
sentimental movie it was and
quite interesting. In short, it was about a slave ship from Africa
whose slaves overpowered their
captors in an impromptu mutiny.
Luckily, they arrived in New
England and eventually after
several attempts to claim their freedom, they are granted the
once in a lifetime opportunity to
go back to the motherland. But
that is not my focus, instead
the cargo of the ship is: the
men. In the movie, hundreds of
African men are chained to the
ship and with so much
testosterone in one place,
freedom was inevitable. One
thing stands out, all the men are tall, dark and yeah, the
other one. Still, that was not
enough. Some of the Africans
who had previously landed in
New England also exhibited the
same traits as the slaves, tall, dark and yeah. That struck me,
all of the good African men, are
either dead, or out of the
continent. The average height for your
quintessential African American
male is 5’ 11’’ while the average height of your average
remnant African male is 5’ 7”. Optimistically, the lifespan for
your Kenyan boyfriend is 50
years. (By saying 50 years, I
assume that all Mungiki will get
saved, the police will receive a
2030 percent salary increase and Nyong’ o does not announce another round of Mass Action.)
Your dream (African) American
boyfriend on the other hand is
expected to live to at least 75
years. Sounds good for all ye
seeking “good men”? Wait! No need for excitement, yet. Every other day my classmates
ask me whether it is African to
beat and batter wives. And my
answer is always a big no!
(Actually for those who watched
the news last week, you saw that almost more men than
women are in abusive
relationships). Then I ask them
where they got this weird
notion-that African men are
bullies-from and they quickly answer that it is commonplace
to hear of such in the media
and even from documented
series about the continent. The
most interesting part is when
they go ahead and give the Chris Brown –Rihanna saga as an example of the controversial
saying; you can take Chris
Brown from Western but you
cannot take Western out of CB. So all the finest men from the
continent were captured and
enslaved in the Caribbean and
the US, plunging the women left
behind into a catastrophe. Does
that mean that the men nature selected for were all taken
away, leaving them with the
semi-rejects? And that is why
there seems to be the big
problem with finding a male mate
on the continent? Looking closer, Chris is just as Luhya as
they come, who disciplines the
wife for touching the Kabambe
225 without permission. Take
Mike Tyson for example, the
dude makes millions of dollars fighting, and then marries
severally. Of course, he is now
out of money, and needless to
say, women. What is not Luo
about that? With the recent
opening for truth and justice, I wouldn’ t be surprised if Gumo claims that Tyson is his long lost
brother. Even as many ladies go up in
arms at the decline of
masculinity in Kenya, an even
bigger number is claiming a
secret affiliation to West African
men. I am not happy. Whatever women look for in the west, I
know not. Remember when
Chamillionaire hit the airwaves
with his music and ladies claimed
to love the music but not the
musician? Well, Chamillionaire is Nigerian! Huh! Ladies, not all my
Western brothers are what your
fantasies and dreams are made
of, some of them are your
perfect nightmare! I have no
problem with Nigerian or Ghanaian brothers; the problem
is with our women seeking to
find some thrill in the west.
Ladies, what with the western
oriented thrill? If not Western
Kenya, then it is West Africa, and if not that, then it is the
West. Yet we all know of the
saying, west or home, East is
best! Notably 2 % of the population of
Houston, Texas is Nigerian. Yes.
Our Ogas are here but with that
came the arguable stereotyping
and “mis-segregation” of Nigerians as fraudsters and
outright cons. So whether you
take a man from Lagos or
Houston, the traits of such
African men do not disappear
simply because one moves into the Diaspora community.
Interestingly, black population of
African descent comprises 13%
of the American population, yet
it accounts for more than half
of new HIV-AIDS infections. Not different from home, is it? I
hate sounding like an Uncle Tom,
but the statistics are appalling
in cities with concentrations of
Africans and their distant
cousins. Men behave the same, whether at home or elsewhere.
So the next time you want to
find a good man, your chances
in Kano, Nyanza are just as
good, or grim, as Kano in
Nigeria, or Houston, Nigeria… oops, Houston, Texas. There is a thin line between
truth and fiction. This is that
line!
He does not care to dress up
well for our dates. He is too
short. He is too light skinned; I
need some “Africanness” in my man. He laughs too loudly; he
watches too much soccer and
does not bother to apologize
for doing that. He cannot buy
flowers for Valentines and if he
does, he will hide them in a juala as if they are sukumawiki. He
cannot even stand simple PDA.
Public Display of Affection. If I set
up a candle lit dinner, he claims
the power rationing days gave
us enough of those. I love him, but…” This is mundane talk. Every Kenyan lady has a story
about something amiss with her
(in)significant other. Ladies, I do
not have the solution to your
problems, but I do have a
theory about where the good men went to, and where to find
them. My last article was on
homophobia and I professed to
be a slight sufferer of the
controversial issue. This one
might just go against the grain
and no, I am not professing homophilia this time. I still stand
my ground on that one. Where
are all the good men? You have
heard that question, right?
Ladies are going bonkers over
the decline in the number of the boxer-wearers. And maybe
rightfully so, there are no more
good men left on the continent,
so they claim. It might seem an
impossibility to have no more
fine men left, but it also might just have some truth hidden it,
albeit so subtly. Ladies, I support
you on this claim, for once. Or
do I? Anyway, don’ t ask me why I was so late in watching a 1997
Steven Spielberg movie, but I
heard about Amistad last month,
and so I watched it. A
sentimental movie it was and
quite interesting. In short, it was about a slave ship from Africa
whose slaves overpowered their
captors in an impromptu mutiny.
Luckily, they arrived in New
England and eventually after
several attempts to claim their freedom, they are granted the
once in a lifetime opportunity to
go back to the motherland. But
that is not my focus, instead
the cargo of the ship is: the
men. In the movie, hundreds of
African men are chained to the
ship and with so much
testosterone in one place,
freedom was inevitable. One
thing stands out, all the men are tall, dark and yeah, the
other one. Still, that was not
enough. Some of the Africans
who had previously landed in
New England also exhibited the
same traits as the slaves, tall, dark and yeah. That struck me,
all of the good African men, are
either dead, or out of the
continent. The average height for your
quintessential African American
male is 5’ 11’’ while the average height of your average
remnant African male is 5’ 7”. Optimistically, the lifespan for
your Kenyan boyfriend is 50
years. (By saying 50 years, I
assume that all Mungiki will get
saved, the police will receive a
2030 percent salary increase and Nyong’ o does not announce another round of Mass Action.)
Your dream (African) American
boyfriend on the other hand is
expected to live to at least 75
years. Sounds good for all ye
seeking “good men”? Wait! No need for excitement, yet. Every other day my classmates
ask me whether it is African to
beat and batter wives. And my
answer is always a big no!
(Actually for those who watched
the news last week, you saw that almost more men than
women are in abusive
relationships). Then I ask them
where they got this weird
notion-that African men are
bullies-from and they quickly answer that it is commonplace
to hear of such in the media
and even from documented
series about the continent. The
most interesting part is when
they go ahead and give the Chris Brown –Rihanna saga as an example of the controversial
saying; you can take Chris
Brown from Western but you
cannot take Western out of CB. So all the finest men from the
continent were captured and
enslaved in the Caribbean and
the US, plunging the women left
behind into a catastrophe. Does
that mean that the men nature selected for were all taken
away, leaving them with the
semi-rejects? And that is why
there seems to be the big
problem with finding a male mate
on the continent? Looking closer, Chris is just as Luhya as
they come, who disciplines the
wife for touching the Kabambe
225 without permission. Take
Mike Tyson for example, the
dude makes millions of dollars fighting, and then marries
severally. Of course, he is now
out of money, and needless to
say, women. What is not Luo
about that? With the recent
opening for truth and justice, I wouldn’ t be surprised if Gumo claims that Tyson is his long lost
brother. Even as many ladies go up in
arms at the decline of
masculinity in Kenya, an even
bigger number is claiming a
secret affiliation to West African
men. I am not happy. Whatever women look for in the west, I
know not. Remember when
Chamillionaire hit the airwaves
with his music and ladies claimed
to love the music but not the
musician? Well, Chamillionaire is Nigerian! Huh! Ladies, not all my
Western brothers are what your
fantasies and dreams are made
of, some of them are your
perfect nightmare! I have no
problem with Nigerian or Ghanaian brothers; the problem
is with our women seeking to
find some thrill in the west.
Ladies, what with the western
oriented thrill? If not Western
Kenya, then it is West Africa, and if not that, then it is the
West. Yet we all know of the
saying, west or home, East is
best! Notably 2 % of the population of
Houston, Texas is Nigerian. Yes.
Our Ogas are here but with that
came the arguable stereotyping
and “mis-segregation” of Nigerians as fraudsters and
outright cons. So whether you
take a man from Lagos or
Houston, the traits of such
African men do not disappear
simply because one moves into the Diaspora community.
Interestingly, black population of
African descent comprises 13%
of the American population, yet
it accounts for more than half
of new HIV-AIDS infections. Not different from home, is it? I
hate sounding like an Uncle Tom,
but the statistics are appalling
in cities with concentrations of
Africans and their distant
cousins. Men behave the same, whether at home or elsewhere.
So the next time you want to
find a good man, your chances
in Kano, Nyanza are just as
good, or grim, as Kano in
Nigeria, or Houston, Nigeria… oops, Houston, Texas. There is a thin line between
truth and fiction. This is that
line!
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