this thing English

Ladies, can you think of how
you would react if a man walked
up to you and said, “Hey Miss, I’ m hard up.”? Well, I presume your reaction would be subject
to your understanding of the
peculiarities of the English
language. So, would you shout,
scream, punch him in the face,
maybe? Or smile and wave? But what if you knew that “hard- up” actually means broke, would your reaction be different? I
guess so. From Bill Bryson’ s book, The Mother Tongue, and internet
sources, one finds a whole lot of
idiosyncrasies that actually make
the English language very
interesting to learn and at the
same time, equally amazing. From words that in themselves are
contradictory (tight slacks) to
words that make no sense at all
if taken at face value
(zenzizenzizenzic) and those
that are downright challenging to pronounce even to native
speakers of English
(floccinaucinihilipilification) English is a challenging language
and the more one learns it, the
worse the strangeness of this
language rears its ugly head.
Learning English as a first
language makes almost perfect sense but when one is studying
it as a second language, it is
exigent. For example, why does
caregiver and caretaker refer
to the same person? And
pathetic has nothing to do with a path? It makes no sense but
you can actually window shop
through a shop door and give a
French kiss to a German. Even
Americans have Dutch courage! The oddity of this beautiful
language becomes even more
difficult as we come closer home.
For those of us who are
parents, we encourage our
children to show love to their friends, feel our love for them
and that they will find love in
life. But, how do we react when
the same kids tell us they are
dying to make love (to their
friends)? I do not blame the kids for dying to do things beyond
their age, I blame the English
language. And talking of dying,
why is it that people who are
dying to do stuff usually have
so much life in them? But even the crankiness of this
language does not help explain
the origin of some of its
difficult-to-understand traits.
Why do we always follow a q
with a u? And why is it that queue is pronounced the same
even with the last four letters
of the word removed? And while
there is no documented evidence
of an elephant being in a room,
we still use that to describe weird situations? The police
arrest intoxicated people, they
also do the same for
“toxicated” people. While at the same time, you cannot use an
inflammable liquid to put out a
flammable substance on fire. Why
do we say that every dog has
its day, yet every dog has
“everyday”? If all these situations were brought about
from past real-life experiences,
then I guess certainly none of
us would be willing to go back
to the day the phrase “when the shit hit the fan” was coined. But what determines prowess in
English? Is it the ability to use
big words? Or the ability to
communicate effectively with
your audience? Even some
literary giants had a problem convincing their employers that
they could manage English
effectively. Case in point?
Rudyard Kipling was reportedly
fired from the San Francisco
Examiner since his English was kindergarten like, yet he went
ahead to make one of the most
acclaimed children books of all
time, The Jungle Book. Opinions
differ, as usual, but one thing
remains, until proven otherwise, we are not, of English, wise. And finally, some great speakers
and writers of the English
language have made bloopers in
the past, yet still some of the
unintended jokes have made
their way into the language and are at times even sources of
inspiration, or otherwise. Like
Garrison Keillor, an American
humorist and author said,
“Beauty isn’ t worth thinking about; what’ s important is your mind. You don’ t want a fifty- dollar haircut on a fifty cent
head.” All in all, despite its complexities and absurdities,
English is a beautiful language to
learn, and a gem when known.
Have an English filled day! "There is a thin line between
truth and fiction. This is that
line."