time and tide
It’ s a bouncing baby boy! That is how we welcome men into the
world. The pride of fathers and
the joy of mothers, sons are a
bundle of joy, and so are
daughters. But today, I dedicate
the space to the Kenyan man, and his roller-coaster of a life
from childhood to the death bed.
So the son is born, people are
happy and then the intrigues of
manhood begin as soon as the
umbilical cord is cut. Chwaap! The physical separation of parent
and son is quite significant, and
is usually repeated later in life.
The son is laid on a bed, always
viewed as normal, but in truth,
life is created on a bed and ends in a bed, well at least in
convention and if you share my
love for conservatism. And with
that, the hard life begins. Baby
Boy retraces the steps. The Terrible 10s
With childhood ebbing away, I
have learnt how to play soccer,
I have had enough fights and I
have been spanked severally for
mistakes and intentional mistakes. I have shaved my
eyebrows; I have skipped school
a few times and run away from
a teacher. I love my life. These
years are quite hard, as far as
knowing myself goes. The identity crisis is here with me
too. I do not know who I am and
I still want to be a lawyer,
maybe a pilot. Or better, a
neurosurgeon! Every five minutes
after a Ben Carson book, which I am forced to read, I reassure
myself that I am most definitely
going to become a surgeon. That
is until I turn my head to the
left and see the pile of
assignments that I have re-do and my last grades. Ben Carson
says he rose from being a weak
student to a really sharp one,
but he does not create room
for me! My grades are lower
than his! He failed responsibly, me? I have no recourse. Then I
remember the convenient quote
“The higher you go, the harder you fall.” Why should I aim that high? Oh, then there are girls. My
church teacher says it is wrong,
my parents will not speak of it
explicitly, but my friends say
they are good. They smell good,
some of them, and they are soft, some of them. Aaaargh, I
do not know. I am confused.
Wait, I am soon in high school. I
am suspended severally, for
trying to smoke and intending
to drink! How do you know I was intending to drink? I have
“bought” several “parents” to covertly avoid the pain of
expulsion. Some of them did
actually whip me, to their
satisfaction and the dismay of
the teachers! KCSE is here and
thank the loopholes, whatever that means, for my B-. Finally, I
am sure I have wasted the
neurosurgery dream. But life
always has second chances, Ben
Carson wrote. The Tempting 20s
Finally, alcohol and the ladies are
taking me seriously. I have an ID
card and a Driver’ s License and that makes the difference
between me and them. Fourth
form is done away with and
according to one of the
Government printed books we
read during an HIV/AIDS course, it is OK for people to be in
serious relationships at least
after during and after high
school. I follow the
Government’ s advice now and I get into a relationship. I lose
focus; I lose my virginity and
start gaining, finally, some form
of social standing as my belly
shows signs of becoming
respectable. Clubbing is at its peak, and better so because I
do not have to sneak out of
school any more. Neither do I
have to apportion the school
fees any more. By this time, I am losing touch
with religion; the University
further convinces me that I am
not cut out for Ben Carson’ s Neurosurgery and I lose hope as
I settle for my B.A. Bachelor of
Anything, Being Around, some
even call it Baba Amenituma. I
don’ t care. My folks have been talking of people having to be
independent and they are soon
leaving for the rural home and
they always ask if I want to join
them, all in a bid to tell me that
my time is up and I am soon leaving the house, or, literally,
the house is leaving me for
shags. Job hunting sets in, and
so does wife hunting and home
hunting. Well, room hunting is
actually more of it, but I have my ego to protect here. The Thorough 30s
I finally decided to settle down
and I still do not know if I made
a good decision. I am still
surviving on my B.A and my
whole village decided to pester me into marriage after the
Government employed me in
some department. I am living
from hand to mouth. From the
Government’ s short hand to my village’ s Big mouth! My Neurosurgery dream resurfaces
and I enroll for an evening class.
Only that I am studying
Computer Packages. I have a kid
now and I am scared! But the
Government told me Free Primary Education is free? So
where does this boy get all
these “Dear Parents” from? And the fees are always
initialized? CPP fees, ICT fees,
SQQLKA fees, QWERTY fees, IDK
fees, NKT fees, BFF fees, LOL
fees and XOXO fees?! I don’ t understand! I might have not
been the wisest of kids but I
was to become a neurosurgeon,
if not for this B.A of mine!
Bamboo Ameokoka! I have to
build a house at home. How?! Seriously! I am tired of being a
man! Why did I not become a
Neurosurgeon? Ben
Alinidanganya! The Feared 40s
A white strand of hair!
Seriously?! No, not really. It is
true! I find myself playing more
with my son than hanging out
with my boys. We are not boys anymore; we just call ourselves
that to console our tiring heads
and hide our years. Some of my
friends have started dying and I
am getting worried! Play is all I
can do. Oh, I finally got a promotion at work. And that
was after my position was
scrapped, so I am literally a boss
of my former lazy self! Bora
Angeniua. My son is frustrating me more
than I frustrated my own
parents! I used to run away
from school to go dancing! Him?
He absconds school to go driving!
I have no car. And that gives me some relief. Bora Amesoma. My
son is aiming high, to buy a nice
car and spin. But wait? Maybe
he is practicing to be a driver,
or worse? Let him be. At least
he does not drink (when I am drunk). At least he does not
drink (in my presence). I finally
manage to put up a structure
at home. It does not really
resemble a house, but at times
it does. At night. But at least the villagers are happy now.
Bora Ameijenga. The Formidable 50s
For the first time, I have
seriously decided that I am going
to act my age. I have been
trying to but things have been
against me. But since I was diagnosed with some old men’ s disease last week, I rest my
youth. Cancer of some place I do
not want to look at, lest I fall
prostrate on the floor and cry
in disbelief! And life decided that
I was too sweet and gave me diabetes! Why is life so against
me? Since I decided to postpone
my Neurosurgery degree,
nothing is happening my way
anymore! I have received
another promotion and my kid is studying Recreation and
Leisure?! Nice son, nice! And I
thought my life was miserable?! I
am stepping into the grave soon
and I feel it coming. I am angry
at anything and everything that reminds me of my wasted life. I
haven’ t achieved much, I have just been born and here I am,
ready to die. Bado
Anang’ ang’ ana. The Sunset 60s
White hair and my bones are
“frailing” day after day. My son finished Leisure and now is into
more Leisure; at least he’ s studying his Masters. I’ m proud of him, my son. Apart from
insisting that I give him his “me time”, I have no problem with him anymore. I am waiting for
him to come home with a bride,
soon. I want to see my
grandkids and play with them
before I decide to go. Why?
Because not many of my “boys” have made it this far and I still attend burials once in
a while. That keeps alive my
death. And I am afraid! No more
peaceful sleep for me and I now
have to see the doctor every
so often. This is not me. I return to the Lord. I realize I have
been the one sheep that had
strayed. I am glad to be back.
Baba Ameniona. The Survival 70s
Church, Bed, Weddings and
Funerals. That is my itinerary.
The doctor’ s bed, my home bed and the loo. I have nothing much
to do and my faith is keeping
me alive. I have seen the three
score and ten prescribed for
humans is Psalms and I await my
turn in earnest. I have seen my grand children, I have seen
everything a bad human eye can
see and I have had my fair
share being a man, now it is my
time to go. Baba Ameniita. "There is a thin line between
truth and fiction, This is that
line."
world. The pride of fathers and
the joy of mothers, sons are a
bundle of joy, and so are
daughters. But today, I dedicate
the space to the Kenyan man, and his roller-coaster of a life
from childhood to the death bed.
So the son is born, people are
happy and then the intrigues of
manhood begin as soon as the
umbilical cord is cut. Chwaap! The physical separation of parent
and son is quite significant, and
is usually repeated later in life.
The son is laid on a bed, always
viewed as normal, but in truth,
life is created on a bed and ends in a bed, well at least in
convention and if you share my
love for conservatism. And with
that, the hard life begins. Baby
Boy retraces the steps. The Terrible 10s
With childhood ebbing away, I
have learnt how to play soccer,
I have had enough fights and I
have been spanked severally for
mistakes and intentional mistakes. I have shaved my
eyebrows; I have skipped school
a few times and run away from
a teacher. I love my life. These
years are quite hard, as far as
knowing myself goes. The identity crisis is here with me
too. I do not know who I am and
I still want to be a lawyer,
maybe a pilot. Or better, a
neurosurgeon! Every five minutes
after a Ben Carson book, which I am forced to read, I reassure
myself that I am most definitely
going to become a surgeon. That
is until I turn my head to the
left and see the pile of
assignments that I have re-do and my last grades. Ben Carson
says he rose from being a weak
student to a really sharp one,
but he does not create room
for me! My grades are lower
than his! He failed responsibly, me? I have no recourse. Then I
remember the convenient quote
“The higher you go, the harder you fall.” Why should I aim that high? Oh, then there are girls. My
church teacher says it is wrong,
my parents will not speak of it
explicitly, but my friends say
they are good. They smell good,
some of them, and they are soft, some of them. Aaaargh, I
do not know. I am confused.
Wait, I am soon in high school. I
am suspended severally, for
trying to smoke and intending
to drink! How do you know I was intending to drink? I have
“bought” several “parents” to covertly avoid the pain of
expulsion. Some of them did
actually whip me, to their
satisfaction and the dismay of
the teachers! KCSE is here and
thank the loopholes, whatever that means, for my B-. Finally, I
am sure I have wasted the
neurosurgery dream. But life
always has second chances, Ben
Carson wrote. The Tempting 20s
Finally, alcohol and the ladies are
taking me seriously. I have an ID
card and a Driver’ s License and that makes the difference
between me and them. Fourth
form is done away with and
according to one of the
Government printed books we
read during an HIV/AIDS course, it is OK for people to be in
serious relationships at least
after during and after high
school. I follow the
Government’ s advice now and I get into a relationship. I lose
focus; I lose my virginity and
start gaining, finally, some form
of social standing as my belly
shows signs of becoming
respectable. Clubbing is at its peak, and better so because I
do not have to sneak out of
school any more. Neither do I
have to apportion the school
fees any more. By this time, I am losing touch
with religion; the University
further convinces me that I am
not cut out for Ben Carson’ s Neurosurgery and I lose hope as
I settle for my B.A. Bachelor of
Anything, Being Around, some
even call it Baba Amenituma. I
don’ t care. My folks have been talking of people having to be
independent and they are soon
leaving for the rural home and
they always ask if I want to join
them, all in a bid to tell me that
my time is up and I am soon leaving the house, or, literally,
the house is leaving me for
shags. Job hunting sets in, and
so does wife hunting and home
hunting. Well, room hunting is
actually more of it, but I have my ego to protect here. The Thorough 30s
I finally decided to settle down
and I still do not know if I made
a good decision. I am still
surviving on my B.A and my
whole village decided to pester me into marriage after the
Government employed me in
some department. I am living
from hand to mouth. From the
Government’ s short hand to my village’ s Big mouth! My Neurosurgery dream resurfaces
and I enroll for an evening class.
Only that I am studying
Computer Packages. I have a kid
now and I am scared! But the
Government told me Free Primary Education is free? So
where does this boy get all
these “Dear Parents” from? And the fees are always
initialized? CPP fees, ICT fees,
SQQLKA fees, QWERTY fees, IDK
fees, NKT fees, BFF fees, LOL
fees and XOXO fees?! I don’ t understand! I might have not
been the wisest of kids but I
was to become a neurosurgeon,
if not for this B.A of mine!
Bamboo Ameokoka! I have to
build a house at home. How?! Seriously! I am tired of being a
man! Why did I not become a
Neurosurgeon? Ben
Alinidanganya! The Feared 40s
A white strand of hair!
Seriously?! No, not really. It is
true! I find myself playing more
with my son than hanging out
with my boys. We are not boys anymore; we just call ourselves
that to console our tiring heads
and hide our years. Some of my
friends have started dying and I
am getting worried! Play is all I
can do. Oh, I finally got a promotion at work. And that
was after my position was
scrapped, so I am literally a boss
of my former lazy self! Bora
Angeniua. My son is frustrating me more
than I frustrated my own
parents! I used to run away
from school to go dancing! Him?
He absconds school to go driving!
I have no car. And that gives me some relief. Bora Amesoma. My
son is aiming high, to buy a nice
car and spin. But wait? Maybe
he is practicing to be a driver,
or worse? Let him be. At least
he does not drink (when I am drunk). At least he does not
drink (in my presence). I finally
manage to put up a structure
at home. It does not really
resemble a house, but at times
it does. At night. But at least the villagers are happy now.
Bora Ameijenga. The Formidable 50s
For the first time, I have
seriously decided that I am going
to act my age. I have been
trying to but things have been
against me. But since I was diagnosed with some old men’ s disease last week, I rest my
youth. Cancer of some place I do
not want to look at, lest I fall
prostrate on the floor and cry
in disbelief! And life decided that
I was too sweet and gave me diabetes! Why is life so against
me? Since I decided to postpone
my Neurosurgery degree,
nothing is happening my way
anymore! I have received
another promotion and my kid is studying Recreation and
Leisure?! Nice son, nice! And I
thought my life was miserable?! I
am stepping into the grave soon
and I feel it coming. I am angry
at anything and everything that reminds me of my wasted life. I
haven’ t achieved much, I have just been born and here I am,
ready to die. Bado
Anang’ ang’ ana. The Sunset 60s
White hair and my bones are
“frailing” day after day. My son finished Leisure and now is into
more Leisure; at least he’ s studying his Masters. I’ m proud of him, my son. Apart from
insisting that I give him his “me time”, I have no problem with him anymore. I am waiting for
him to come home with a bride,
soon. I want to see my
grandkids and play with them
before I decide to go. Why?
Because not many of my “boys” have made it this far and I still attend burials once in
a while. That keeps alive my
death. And I am afraid! No more
peaceful sleep for me and I now
have to see the doctor every
so often. This is not me. I return to the Lord. I realize I have
been the one sheep that had
strayed. I am glad to be back.
Baba Ameniona. The Survival 70s
Church, Bed, Weddings and
Funerals. That is my itinerary.
The doctor’ s bed, my home bed and the loo. I have nothing much
to do and my faith is keeping
me alive. I have seen the three
score and ten prescribed for
humans is Psalms and I await my
turn in earnest. I have seen my grand children, I have seen
everything a bad human eye can
see and I have had my fair
share being a man, now it is my
time to go. Baba Ameniita. "There is a thin line between
truth and fiction, This is that
line."
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